The last two months, may be starting from a time around my 23rd birthday, I am going through a phase in my life, where the most common phrase I used was “I dunno”, whether it is a phone conversation or a philosophical discussion, (I call it discussion, coz if it was an argument, I won’t be using that term more ) I have used that quite extensively in a pretty continuous manner, The fact is that the amount of times I used were quite alarming that I started mentioning the crisis to few close people.
The frequency have reduced, may be because I never ask myself such trivial questions, or I don’t have such conversation where I am poked with such questions so as to make me weak, kneel and plead… OR may be, I might have come in terms with the fact that I need not know everything, or I need not worry about certain things which I really don’t know.
Now there are two sides/levels about the whole thing, on a Cosmo-philosophical level, about origin, god, cosmos and likewise, where I can’t get all the answers, for sure!!! But I am not just stuck there, I am stuck on something more worldly and material. On a socio-relationship level, I am getting tough questions more than ever, and I am so skeptical about everything that, my commitment, my involvement, my aspirations, my comfort-level, everything is being questioned, and I feel really unsafe to answer those, Coz, I don’t want to say anything just because of the fact that I want to give an answer. Having said that, sometimes I give out the phrase not as an answer, but when I am choked of reasons for that answer. When this happens, it really pisses me off, I don’t know about how the person on the other end takes it, to make that person more comfortable, I try harder and in order to get that person in a conversation, I mess it up even more coz I repeatedly say “I dunno”, until the person on the other end gives me convincing reassurances.
I hope I get out of this vicious-imaginary circle created by myself. I know the answer is Time, all I need to do is to wait, but I hope I get some convincing answers, So that I can reason it. Sooner the better.
An After note (A conversation):
RV: hv u seen the vid by discovery channel?
RV: They take a look on a starry night, then they take a dark part for study, then they do high profile imaging on that dark part and shows us small-small dots of white light, and explains to us ( here is the kicker) that those white specks of light are not actually stars but huge galaxies.
RV: That blew my mind, and made me feel how miniscule I am..!!
Ok! so, You dunno few answers! its fine dude, universe is still expanding, sun is still rising and wind is still blowing, Science is still at work outside and inside me. So Chill, Life is fair…
P.S: So since I have come in terms with it, so that i can live with it, I found this advice given by a skeptic named Javali to Lord Rama(which is currently my Gtalk status msg) a bit helpful.
“Follow what is within your experience and do not trouble yourself with what lies beyond the province of human experience”
-San ( A kid who wished to know everything)